y'all aren't tired of my outdoor pics, are you?!

just fun

Yesterday was a really fabulous day. After the walk and playground trip that I posted about already, we had a cookout last night with our new friends! It was SUCH a blast. I love having neighbors that are friends!




Makayla and Shiloh

Kaleb, being all handsome and mysterious in the grill smoke

K blowing bubbles

Gabe with his bubbles

It was so warm that I had to change Emmeline's clothes so she could be comfy!

I guess Shiloh wore herself out!

Emmeline's bare feet outside! LOVE this weather!

Sunny had fun, and proved herself again to be a great dog! She barked when she saw strangers outside of our fence, but as soon as she saw it was all good, she was friendly and calm with our friends!

Our Shiloh-girl, deep in thought about her bubbles!

3 months {e}

Emmeline is 3 months old now! Time just flies.

We had Emme's 2 month appointment rather late, she was actually 11 1/2 weeks, so just a week and a half ago. They were pleased with her development, she gave the doctor, nurse, and the lady that did shots all big smiles and coos. She's growing much more slowly then any of my other kids did, but she is growing steadily and is a healthy girl, she's just little!

@ 11 1/2 weeks, Emmeline was 11lb 10oz (54th %), 24 in (74th %), and her head circumference is in 51st %. For a little comparison, Shiloh was 12lb 13oz and 24 1/2 in at 10 weeks!

Anyway, Emme is becoming much more aware of her environment, which I say all the time, but it's always true! This morning when I was changing her diaper, she grabbed the new one and when I went to get it from her, she laughed and laughed at me. She was playing a game! I thought that was a lot of fun.

We're getting closer to sleeping through the night, generally she is only waking up once around 3 to nurse, which is nice. I can't wait to sleep an entire night!

the air

The air is so clear and pretty! We have some new neighbors that we have made friends with and we have decided to start walking together. This morning, I wore Emmeline and pushed Shiloh is the stroller while Heather and I walked 2.5 miles! Then, we stopped at the playground for an hour before heading home. It was a great morning!

Shiloh and Vinnie thought they should throw away the wood chips...not sure why!

Emmeline sat in her stroller for the first time ever while we were watching sissy play at the park!

Showing me the wood chips!

On our walk, they started holding hands, we HAD to stop and take a pic, too cute!

cherishing this

Tyrone and I...

took this little girl (and her snoozing sister)

to the playground.

because it was beautiful

outside today.

They played

on the swings

while we waited on the boys to get home.

Then, they chased the boys

all the way home.

this is hard

I start to post something several times a day...and then I don't know what to say. I feel like always being happy-go-lucky is a lie and not a true representation of our life. But I feel like talking to much about our heavy hearts is not always right.....we are sad at times, but haven't lost our joy. And I don't want to overwhelm my blog readers with my (at times) overwhelming emotions....but I also don't want to not document this journey. I looked back on my entries leading up to Tyrone's first deployment and there was almost nothing of substance, nothing where my past self told my present self that I had felt this way before and made it through....so, here I am :)

I cannot say, of course, when the exact date is, but our time with Tyrone at home is short. Very, very short. Sometimes it is a little hard to breathe....I look at him and try to memorize what it's like....every nuance of him being here in this house. I imagine looking up and NOT seeing him there and try to do myself the favor of living in the moment and enjoying what I have right this second.

His deployment date has actually changed several times and one of the dates has come and gone already....which is hard. I love the extra time with him, but to prepare the kids and my own heart to say goodbye and then to have the date set, changed, extended, put back to the original, and then pushed to the right is wearing, although that is the military life in a nut shell....hurry up and wait!

Part of my anxiety is that I am having a hard time picturing what our life without Tyrone here is going to look like. He is so much a part of everything I do, and is, I feel, the cornerstone of our family, that our lives will look very different. We will find our balance, but it's nerve racking to have that looming on the horizon but to be unable to truly prepare for it. Last deployment we moved home, and securing our house and moving our things took a good month and distracted me for a while....I don't have any such huge projects now. Life as normal.

I think that, more than anything, I am dreading the first night. The night when I have to come back and be alone...well, with the kids, but alone. When all I will feel like doing is crying and screaming, but of course I won't be able to. The one night where an entire year still looms before me and my heart and soul are raw from sending my love, my best friend, to war.

After that, I think it will be okay. After that night, we'll start to find our new groove. We'll cry and we'll be sad, and we won't know what's going on in the world because the news is too disturbing, but we'll be okay, and we'll have started our countdown. But that one night....I wish I could skip over it.

the stare down