tonight

Tonight I am missing him. Tonight I have prayed and have given it to God as I have millions of times this deployment, but I have nothing left. Sleep is not coming, and there is no one to wake up and tell. The person that would wake up with me just because is not here. He would sit up with me. And when I would ask him "What about tomorrow? When the kids are awake and we are sleepy?" he would shrug and say "We'll do it together."

The days are slowly being crossed off of our calendar, but, just for tonight, I am tired of thinking and hearing "It's almost here." My Dad told me that almost only counts in horse shoes, hand grenades, and atomic bomb droppings. Homecoming is months away. And I miss him tonight. Thinking about homecoming makes me crazy. It makes me crazy because I have never in my life wanted anything so badly. I picture it....everything about it. And then I realize that it's just another day without him, that there is waiting left to do.

Just for tonight, with the kids in bed and nothing left on my to do list except sleep, I am sad and lonely and angry and tired. I am proud and I believe in what our military is doing and I am honored to be an army wife....but tonight I need him HERE. It's been too many days and too many nights.

I am tired of clogged pipes and of figuring out what size tires the Tahoe needs and of hearing our little boy cry out in his sleep for Daddy. Of finding missing paperwork by myself and being told that no, in fact, our Power of Attorney is NOT on file here and of sitting down with the boys to figure out which holidays Daddy will miss and which ones he will be back in time to not miss again.

I miss my best friend. Wonderful, beloved people have helped me through this. But I really need him back.

beautiful children

Kaleb

GABRIEL

SHILOH

a very grey day....

See these two sleepy faces? This is how Shiloh and I really feel.



Why do we feel this way? WELL...that would be because Shiloh has pretty much boycotted doing this:

for any length of time. (Disclaimer...I moved her head off the trucks after I took her pic, and they are the soft, squishy kind, anyway.)

I don't know why. I honestly don't. Let me give you a rundown.....

3 nights ago: awake at 3, up until 5:30, awake at 7

2 days ago: only 1 hour total of naps, although she normally totals 3 hours a day

2 nights ago: awake from 1:30 to 3:30, awake at 7

yesterday: 1 1/2 of naps

last night: awake from 3 until 6:30...when she was screaming bloody murder and I gave up on sleep

today: so far, 20 min. of naps....

I do not know why this is. But it is enough to drive me bonkers. If I don't get sleep at night, I don't get sleep, because there are 2 certain little boys who are not about to let me sleep when Shiloh does (now, Kaleb does say, "You can nap while we play, Mommy" very sweetly, but it's a ploy. If you fall for it, there will be no house around you when you wake up)

Shiloh IS teething, but surely that can't account for all of this when we have Tylenoled, Ibuprofened, teething tableted, orajeled, teething ringed, cold washclothed, etc. etc. This is NOT a fun time to have only one parent aroud (not that any time is but, this is very trying!)

I was thinking that part of it was just some willfulness, she doesn't want to be in her crib, or seperation anxiety (although my bed is only a few feet from her crib.) But, I have stuck to my guns, when she gets upset, I go over to her crib, and help her get settled back in, but do not make it play time or in any way stimulating. Also, this is not about her just losing her paci while asleep...she is perfectly capable of getting it back in her own mouth at this point and does so regularly.

I am open to suggestions! Somebody, HELP!!!

soccer!

Do we have future soccer stars in our midst? Well, I'm not sure I'd go that far, but we did have fun kicking the ball around outside today!

The brothers vs. nature....

Trying to figure out how to crawl without getting her knees on the grass!

check her out!!!

and what an adventure it has been....

Six years ago today, Tyrone and I started our adventures together. And, like the title says, it's been quite something. I would have never imagined all the things that we have done and been through. I was 18 when we began seeing each other, so we have been together my entire adult life...and I can't (and don't want to!) imagine myself as not a part of this awesome team that we are together. I am incredibly grateful for Tyrone and for the 6 years that we have had....i can't wait for more!

11 months...one day late

Shiloh turned 11 months yesterday. I didn't forget, but yesterday was an incredibly busy day, and by the time we got home, we were collapsing into bed. Only 1 month of baby-dom left. I don't think I'm ready.