Tonight I am missing him. Tonight I have prayed and have given it to God as I have millions of times this deployment, but I have nothing left. Sleep is not coming, and there is no one to wake up and tell. The person that would wake up with me just because is not here. He would sit up with me. And when I would ask him "What about tomorrow? When the kids are awake and we are sleepy?" he would shrug and say "We'll do it together."
The days are slowly being crossed off of our calendar, but, just for tonight, I am tired of thinking and hearing "It's almost here." My Dad told me that almost only counts in horse shoes, hand grenades, and atomic bomb droppings. Homecoming is months away. And I miss him tonight. Thinking about homecoming makes me crazy. It makes me crazy because I have never in my life wanted anything so badly. I picture it....everything about it. And then I realize that it's just another day without him, that there is waiting left to do.
Just for tonight, with the kids in bed and nothing left on my to do list except sleep, I am sad and lonely and angry and tired. I am proud and I believe in what our military is doing and I am honored to be an army wife....but tonight I need him HERE. It's been too many days and too many nights.
I am tired of clogged pipes and of figuring out what size tires the Tahoe needs and of hearing our little boy cry out in his sleep for Daddy. Of finding missing paperwork by myself and being told that no, in fact, our Power of Attorney is NOT on file here and of sitting down with the boys to figure out which holidays Daddy will miss and which ones he will be back in time to not miss again.
I miss my best friend. Wonderful, beloved people have helped me through this. But I really need him back.
Tyrone & Bailey
Tyrone and I met when I was 17....I was a waitress at a diner and he was the cook. He was kind and handsome, and before I knew it, I was in love! We started dating a few months later and NOW! Now we have been married for almost 10 years, together for over 13. The Army has taken us MANY places, and now we find ourselves at Fort Bliss, in El Paso, TX.
Kaleb
Kaleb is our oldest child! He is a most excellent big brother. He is the constant playmate/rival of his brother, and the president of his sister's fan club. Kaleb is so smart, helpful, and caring that it blows my mind! He is a month away from being 14, and is responsible, loving and TALL! At last measurement, he was 2 inches taller than me (his mom.) Yesterday, he had to bend down to kiss the top of my head. What a blessing this kiddo is....teenage boy baggage included!
Gabriel
Gabriel is a live wire! Such an interesting mix of big & little. He is quite the cuddle bug, a momma's boy, and the most intense of our children. He is happiest when in motion and can scale a rock wall in an instant. He is diagnosed with ADHD and that hasn't stopped him for a second! He is smart, scientifically inclined, and a light for us all. He is the first to enlighten us with new facts about space, elements, and all kinds of random facts. He is struggling with 6th grade, but smiles through it all. Gabe is an amazing boy.
Shiloh
Shiloh
My Shiloh-girl. She has a heart for everything that moves! Don't you dare squish that bug! She is smart, kind, and a people pleaser. She is happiest welcoming people to our home and loves nothing more than encouraging others. She is picking up the quickest of all of us on Hispanic language and culture, and has made fast friends with non-English speakers here, at our new home. She is our light, our joy, our reminder that good is all around us.
Emmeline
Emmeline
Emmeline Lily, or Emme, has changed our lives so much. She is smart, demanding, and loving. Her moods are mercurial, challenging all we thought we knew about parenting. But her love, and her intelligence, are above reproach. She is rocking Kindergarten, and doing much better than her mommy with the separation. She is intense, she is smart, she is strong, she is gentle. She is Emme.
5 comments:
I had to be the first to comment when i wake up in the middle of the night only to find im still here and the one that helps me figure out issuse is not it blows only thing that comforts me is the thoughts of coming back Im proud that you adaddyre my wife and you are thre for me you have given me a great family and im so happy that i have all you i love yall dearly mmmmmmaaaaaaaaaa
Hold on a change is coming. You have to be strong not only for yourself but for your children. Keep your head up high and let your request be known to God. Ask him for peace so you can rest. You have to elevate your thinking so you can elevate your life so just take care of the little things and the big things will take care of themselves. In other words, don't worry and be anxious for nothing. Rest in the Lord and know your soldier (our son) will be coming home soon. We love you all and please take care.
ED and Denise
bailey, its all right to let yourself write and think those things for a few minutes but all life has some hard places and you have done this hard place sooo well with The Lords help. We are all cheering you on and IT WILL be time for Tyrone to be home with you sooo just keep counting days and praying and staying busy with good things like you have been. Love and prayers gmbj
Bailey we feel the same as you do its hard since being his little sister and use to being around him all the time playin and having a good time then to not be able to see him but all we can do is pray and send our best wishes and we are all struggling and as we are we wish he was here i think it would make us all sleep better if he was here. love ya and if you need anything even someone to talk to dont be a stranger to call us-631-604-5374.
praying for you even now. this was so raw and so gut-wrenching. i cannot feel even remotely what you are currently feeling, but i did connect with you on an emotional level here and thank you for being so honest. much love! xoxo
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